iDeas
Blog 1. Little gifts
After a few turbulent years, I started a new job in 2007. A job which was everything but what I went to university for, but it offered freedom (regular business trips, a flat structure), a pretty good salary and I got a permanent contract within no time. Besides, I also worked as a freelance developer of examination questions and test cases on behalf of languages, communication and hospitality exams. That was what I really liked doing, but it was too insecure and it paid way too little to cover my sky-high rent after returning to the Netherlands from Spain.
And a nice job it was; great colleagues, an incredibly enjoyable atmosphere at the office, business trips, being allowed and able to work independently, respect, regular drinks (which I considered a huge advantage back then) and lots of international contacts. But as soon as the first trips had been done, the first fairs had been organized and everything began to feel as ‘normal’, it striked me: close to crying I went to work every day. And I felt terribly ashamed. Why did I feel like this? I had everything I ever wanted and above all; it didn’t took me too much effort either. My manager was like a father figure, my colleagues like friends, it felt like a playground. But it got worse and worse. The industrial area, the fixed 8-5 pattern, I got stir-crazy. I even got jealous of friends with (from my point of view) less appealing jobs. And I got angry with myself. Why couldn’t I be glad? Deep down I knew I wanted ‘real’ freedom, to work fulltime as a freelancer. But on the other hand, that was exactly what I told myself not to do. Growing up with parents who were running their own business, the stressful times, the never ending work, no way. And yet.
To make a long story short; it’s been a huge struggle. In the end, I made up my mind and started working independently without having any well-thought plan. Even Patrick, who I just met at that time, got worried. I just bought a house (because that was possible on a permanent contract), after all. And I knew very little about running a business, of course. It took years to actually accept this is what suits me best and to stop looking at vacancies every now and then. And with accepting, my business started to grow. Freedom? I have it. I often work more hours than I would in a ‘regular’ job, but that’s a choice. Sometimes I work less, because I can. Numerous times I was angry or rebellious, towards myself, towards the million rules you encounter, the hussle. It was worth it. To me. But it could have been easier with a little help or advice of an expert. Or simply a sympathic ear and someone to trigger me.
Often you see the value of things that seemed to be an obstacle or a sneer of life afterwards. Many more years later I found out that all inconveniences, even all pains are a gift and everything is always, always a choice. Your senses lead you the way, your mind makes the decision.
With love,
Dominique
P.S. I still whine every year about not getting a Christmas gift from a boss, but that I can accept.
Blog 2. What you don’t see
During my student life I’ve always worked in the hospitalitly service. Hard work, but that’s what I liked (and still do). I could use up my energy and I got in touch with many people in a way that felt safe. Because people have made me feel very insecure for a long time. My very first job was in a cafeteria in which I’ve worked for many years. I was able to work full Saturdays and Sundays, which was ideal, because I could make a lot of hours to effort my studies (and going out, like a student should). It brought me great satisfaction to work as fast and efficient as possible without making mistakes. With the passing of time I also got responsible for familiarizing new staff to the job. It was a great time, we had a wonderful team and I felt at home. Until one of the girls who got introduced by the job by me, and with whom I had a great connection at that time, told me she was afraid of me when she just onboarded. Afraid. Of me. Me, who was always insecure and did everything I possibly could to be considered nice and ‘good enough’ by everyone around me. And this was the first, but certainly not the last time I heard this. By striving to do everything right and the insecurity that lies beneath this battle, my (verbal, but mostly non-verbal) communication had a counter-effect. A blind spot. We all have those. The most difficult to handle are the blind spots that are being seen by others, but not by yourself. Like in this situation for me. And I was lucky, it was brought to my attention. Several times, also by loved ones.
The trick is to discover your blind spots and, more important; to be willing to see them. That’s the biggest obstacle.
With regard to this, we recently had a client who asked for our help since the company didn’t manage to provide adequate training to their customers with regard to handling the highly innovative machines our client develops and produces. The starting point was beautiful: this organization frankly admitted a weak spot and was open for a learning process. They just didn’t see what exactly was going wrong. They were suprised when we, after performing an analysis and having conversations in all layers of the business, brought their sensitive issues to the table. The blind spot became visible at once. Now we could start coloring it. And again; that isn’t easy, since blind spots that are visible to others, but not to you is often something you don’t consider a part of you or your business. Like I didn’t see myself as someone to be afraid of. Like this, our client didn’t see that their huge knowledge of their machines had a counter effect when transferring this knowledge to the staff of their customers. Also; everyone’s focused work on their own tasks hampered a good co-operation between departments as well as providing consitant training.
All’s well that ends well? In case of our client; yes. By finding the issues and their willingness to handle them, partly by outsourcing some activities, our client is now capable of delivering high-end qualities along with their high-end machines. This has a positive effect on customer satisfaction, service calls and their market position. In my case? It sure does, but not only that: making this blind spot visible also caused an understanding of the fact not everything I do has to be maximized all the time. Or, like a good friend says: ‘you don’t have to be ‘ON’ all the time’. And accepting this, brings peace. It also has a positive effect on my communication when things do have to be maximized. I just don’t get rid of that frown when I concentrate. Let it be.
What about you? Do you dare to encounter your blind spots? You could start by asking the people around you, how do they see you? It can provide beautiful eye-openers!
Love,
Dominique